All-BAD ASS Who?

Team "Scrubs" off dirt kicked on by past ABA teams

SANTA CLARA, 2/8/09: The 2008-2009 Scrubs team first met September 13, 2008, when the All-BAD ASS team was chosen at the Awards Banquet. Off the bat this group resonated unlike any of the doormat Scrub teams of yesteryear. Instead of grasping for hope: "Wow, if so-and-so shows up, and if we can limit so-and-so, it could be interesting..." players brimmed with confidence: "We can beat those guys next year." Perennial Scrubs such as Tito Bernal, Soonam Chowdhury, Skillz Davis and Greg Sacramento (among others) had long grown weary of the annual ABA-administered beatings and vowed to give no less than everything they had in the series.

Naturally, the ABA team shook not one millimeter when faced with the "new" Scrubs, and with good reason---every year the Scrubs hype themselves up by (over)stating their real chances of upsetting the star-laden ABA roster. Every year they fail, at times comically (Remember 52-10?). ABA is ABA for a reason; they have the talent to overcome slumps and/or mistakes---and no .450 hitters in the lineup to sink rallies. Though it took a while for their big bats to swing into "anhillation" mode in Game One of the series, there was no evidence whatsoever that ABA would achieve anything less than a 6th straight series win.

There was no evidence Boom Dizzle was gonna opt out, either...

As alluded to above, in spite of the one-man wrecking crew Matsui, ABA had to turn it on late to fend off the Scrubs in the opening game of this series. The Scrubs carried that with them into today's game, an extra boost of confidence against a team who had a way of usurping it all...much like leather baseballs and rainwater. Seeing that Goodson Field had not completely recovered from a strong Friday rainstorm, and that there was a good chance of a duplicate storm today, the powers-that-be chose to not expose their lively new baseballs to the puddles. The odds of BAB muscling up for another 9 combined homers in this game (as in Game 1) dropped significantly with the decision to bust out the plastic balls instead.

Another significant pregame decision---the series was shortened to a 3-game dip with "best of" removed as a qualifier. Meaning even if ABA won again to go up 2-0, there would still be a third and final contest. The Scrubs would be the home team for today's 1st game...although they still used the visitor's dugout.

The only noise ABA was able to make in the first inning was a "BONK!" off the dome of SS Holley. Making his season debut, Kevin was challenged with a high popup in shallow CF by Kuzmiak; never looking comfortable as he drifted back, the ball squirted from his mitt, caromed off his head, only to be secured by a lunging BS Wagner to preserve the gift out! In the bottom of that inning, with some help from the ABA defense, the Scrubs struck for 4, a key play being a Wagner hit putting he on 1st and Lynas on 3rd. Wagner bolted for 2nd and drew a throw, allowing Lynas to easily beat the return back to the plate.

After Manning miraculously chopped a beard-clipping 5th pitch for a single in the 2nd, Flores grounded into a 5-6-3 DP to end the ABA threat. Down 7-0 entering the 3rd, ABA began to put it together finally with 2-run singles by each Matsui and Bush, capitalizing on two Scrub errors in the infield. Deep drives by Kuzmiak and Matsui that could have been home runs with last week's balls would instead be flyouts. In the 4th, Bush brought ABA a run closer with an RBI hit.

Their lead down to 7-6, the Scrubs managed to turn a 2-out, none-on situation into four runs, thanks mostly to a poor throw that gave Lynas a 2-run double and Sacramento's subsequent RBI double. ABA went down in order in the 5th; the Scrubs went down 1-hit-2-3.

When pundits credit players for doing things "that don't show up in the boxscores", they are referring to plays like the one made by Scrub LF Andraesen in the 6th. With one down, Matsui singled to LF to score Bush from 2nd. Andraesen, whose arm has eliminated many an unwise baserunner, could have easily tested it here, but wisely threw to 2nd to hold Matsui to a single---key because Kuzmiak followed with a hit of his own that would have easily scored him. In a close game every run is precious, and this one never crossed the plate. In fact, as Matsui was being tagged out by Lynas one batter later, he was accused of going Rodriguez on Lynas and interfering with his attempt to turn a double play! By rule, interfering with a DP attempt automates the DP; on that basis the Scrubs began to jog off the field until Matsui and mates protested. When all was said and done, they'd only score the one time---which the Scrubs got back in the bottom half to make it 12-7.

The three Gregs combined to go 10-for-15 with 7 RBI in Game Two.

Yanez and Kuzmiak, both of whom were fairly quiet to this point, chipped in ABA's 3-run 7th, but Flores (needing 2 hits for 1,000 lifetime) grounded into a double play to retire the side. Chowdhury, off to an unimpressive 3-for-10 start to 2009, recorded what would be a two-run triple following another errant ABA throw back into the infield. He'd eventually be driven home to up the score to 15-10 Scrubs entering crunch time. Both teams went scoreless in the 8th. ABA, down by five with 3 outs to go, dug in.

Yanez was retired leading off. Manning and Flores each singled, setting the stage for the bats of 2008's top three MVP vote-getters...and for the best defensive infielder in league history. Relatively quiet with the glove so far in this game, in the clutch 3B Lynas reminded all present why he's won 3 Gold Gloves for his work at the hot corner with a diving catch to his left of a searing seed off the bat of Bush for the 2nd out---then sprawling to his right to knock down a hard one-hopper from Matsui, and recovering in time to gun out Flores at 2nd for the 27th ABA out.

AWARDS AND HIGHLIGHTS

• BAD ASS of the Day went to Andraesen, who went 4-for-5 and scored each time; Wagner, also 4-for-5 with a pair of RBI and the 1st-inning catch, and captain Lynas who drove in 4 to go with his 9th-inning heroics in the field.

• Lynas also awarded himself Gold Glove, with full endorsement from his players.

• Bernal went 0-for-5 for the automatic Small Penis---shared by Flores and Kuzmiak who combined for 4 singles and 2 RBI in 15 at-bats. Wagner, in response to receiving the SP from Matsui last week for his "soft 3-for-5", successfully lobbied for Matsui to receive it this week for his "soft" 3-for-8.

• Bush finished 6-for-8 with 3 RBI and 4 runs to pace ABA, who could only muster 3 XBH.

• After a weak 1-for-5 Game One, Minor came back with a hard 3-for-5 today to aid the Scrubs' cause.

• Holley struck out on fouls, while Wagner notched a PLK.

"Hey, that's a double." -- Sacramento, proving his baseball acumen following Lynas' error-aided two-base hit in the 4th.

MORE NOTES:

• The Scrubs lost a golden chance in the 6th when Holley's long drive to CF was snagged beautifully by Matsui over the shoulder running at full-speed just shy of the fence.

• Today's loss made it only 3 all-time for ABA, who also lost single games in 2004 and 2007.

• ABA again played without Brian Simas and Ruben Gonzalez, while the Scrubs were minus Alvin Trinh and B-Rid from Game One.

For a rare time in BAB history, all present players stayed to complete the 3-game series, now tied at one apiece---following a 20-minute hiatus during which Simas raced straight from work to aid his ABA teammates.

Home team designation returned to ABA for this rubber match. Or maybe a leather match: older, worn leather balls replaced the plastic balls for this game...somewhat pleasing the frustrated ABA team who'd seen one long drive after another caught near the fence instead of going over it. It didn't take long for ABA to reap the benefits; Kuzmiak roped a two-run homer in the bottom of the 1st, denting the 5-run lead built by ABA in the top half. By the third inning, the Scrubs still led at 6-2.

Bernal, hitless in his last 7 AB spread over all 3 games, creamed a 3-run homer in that third inning to the delight of his fellow Scrubs. Later, with two outs and the bags full, Davis dumped one in LCF to plate two---but made a very poor choice to stretch his double into a triple. Not only was he tagged out by a mile, but the out was recorded before the runner on 1st scored! So, instead of an 8-run rally continuing with a man at 2nd, the Scrubs were forced to settle for 7 in the 3rd.

Down 13-2 but undeterred, ABA went on the attack in their half of the 3rd---regularly picking Scrub CF Minor as a target. Amongst the hits were a Bush drive that rolled to fence in CF; Minor ran the ball down and had a chance to restrict the fleet Bush to a triple, but BS Sacramento forgot to position himself for a relay throw, allowing Bush to touch 'em all. Flores tripled during this rally, finally founding the 1,000-hit club to respectful applause from his fellow BAD ASSes (left) . Most importantly right now, ABA was still down 13-6 at inning's conclusion. Helped by a 2-run Simas double to CF, they would draw within 13-10 in the 4th. But Matsui and Kuzmiak flew out to end the threat.

In the top of the 5th, the Scrubs were the beneficiaries of a 3-run homer by Andraesen (right)that upped their lead to 16-10; over the next two innings they would tack on single runs while holding ABA scoreless. Fresh off a 3-run 7th, ABA's bellies breathed a little fire when they interrupted a Scrub threat by turning two on Sacramento in the 8th; they'd go on to score their 14th run soon after. But Bush was retired in a pickle trying to advance on a Simas groundout and Flores grounded out with two on to end the inning. Still leading at 18-14, the Scrubs began to taste the historical victory they were within 3 outs of making, and aimed to ice this series with a big inning. Unfortunately for them, a two-on, 1-out threat went by the boards as Lynas and Davis were retired. The four-run lead would have to do.

As it turned out, a 1-run lead would have been enough. Backs against the wall, Yanez, Manning and Bush were retired in order without a whimper. Was it true? Did they do it? Yes. The 2008-09 Scrubs achieved what each of the previous five Scrub teams failed to do---win two games against ABA, and win a series against ABA! All 9 present members of the team (Minor departed in the 5th) raced to the outfield where Andraesen had secured Bush's flyout; next would be several minutes of jubilee that culminated in a beer-consuming celebration (who would have thought to bring champagne?). No missing catchers, no plastic baseballs---in the deciding game the little Scrubs that could beat the big-named, high-salaried ABA squad fair and square.

AWARDS AND HIGHLIGHTS

• All 10 members of the Scrubs contributed to this victory in some way, and all were awarded with BAD ASS of the Day.

• Lynas and Holley, who stepped up with big plays at SS, each won Gold Gloves.

• All 7 members of the highly-favored ABA were given Small Penis. "They were supposed to beat the crap out of us, but they didn't," said Sacramento.

• Andraesen finished a triple shy of the cycle and drove in 4 to co-lead the Scrubs with Bernal and Sacramento, whose bloop 3-run triple in the 1st kicked off the Scrub scoring.

• Bush went 5-for-8 with 5 RBI for ABA, while Kuzmiak singled 5 times in addition to his homer. Matsui had one of the worst games of his career with a 1-for-7, no run/RBI output. Longtime Scrubs in the visiting dugout couldn't help but recall Game 7 of Sanchez/Steamers.

• In the 5th, Bush was retired via PLK.

"Next to you!" -- Simas, to Matsui, who'd just asked Wagner how he would sleep tonight after muffing a popup.

MORE NOTES

• Lynas' young, spry daughter Marissa (right) joined her pa for the doubleheader, invigorating the Scrubs dugout with dancing, cheers and inspirational songs. For doing all she could to help the Scrubs achieve the impossible, the very-proud youngster was allowed to join the team in its' postgame celebratory photo.

• As decided upon last week, in today's DH BAB used a section of orange fence in foul LF for the first time to end any "he caught it past the fence" controversies.

• The Scrubs led for all 18 innings this weekend. JD

"That ball looked like a big, brown piece of crap." -- Andraesen, describing the fly ball he caught for the final out.

"We beat 'em with plastic balls and we beat 'em with rubber balls." -- Sacramento

"We got a black president, the Scrubs finally won--change is comin'!" -- a proud Bernal after the game; his declaration was backed by several "Yes we CANs" from his teammates.

"Why is there a beer in your shoe?" -- a curious Marissa, to a speechless Holley, in the dugout.