ZZ Top gets (Shaving) Creamed

Or, how about ZZ Top gets Dressed down?

SANTA CLARA, 3/29/09: By 2009 standards, March 29 was a gorgeous day to play some hardball...for 13 BAD ASSes, anyway. BAB continues to fight through the early-season unavailability of a number of players. As if the continued work-related absences of John Cocoles and Tim Pyle, the weather-related absence of Ed DaRosa, the love-related absence of Ruben Gonzalez, the child-related absence of Dave Del Real, and the presumably travel-related absence of Joel Stauffer weren't enough, Dave Wagner, one of the more dependable players in '09, would suffer a sprained ankle during the week.

At least some of the absent vets have plans to return in the upcoming weeks.

Until then, be prepared for a number of old-fashioned stat-padding exhibitions such as the two played on March 29.

Exhibition

Carrying on the creative exhibition trend that's gained popularity in the last year, these two teams were comprised based on whose faces resembled Mark McGwire pre-1992, and whose resembled him post-1992. For those of you who did NOT follow the A's closely during the Tony LaRussa era, that basically meant facial hair vs. clean-shaven. The count matched up evenly 6-on-6, so play began.

Smooth got on the board first with a 3-run first inning; an extremely weak Andraesen dribbler that bounced off 2nd base and saved him from a groundout, plus an error-aided Minor triple played roles. RBI singles by Holley and Davis helped ZZ Top tie it at 3 in the 2nd.

Kuzmiak, one of the league's top hitters who is in a (for him) bit of a power slump in 2009, flashed his 2008 form by belting one long and out of the park with a man on in the 3rd; only a spectacular fence-busting catch by Yow against the master of such catches, Andraesen, prevented more than two Smooth runs from scoring.

History was made in the bottom of the 3rd when Manning joined Flores in the 1,000-hit club driving one just short of the LCF fence! ZZ Top pushed one run in that inning to cut the Smooth lead to 5-4.

Another 2-run bomb by Kuzmiak added with a 3-run ITPHR by Flores on what should have been a single---1B Davis had Rob dead to rights trying to stretch it to a double but threw it into the vast, vacated RCF area---were key strikes in an 8-run Smooth 4th. Holley's solo bomb plus a run-scoring triple by Simas (who had to rush his AB as he arrived just as the final spot in the ZZ Top order came up) keyed ZZ Top's 4-run answer, which may have been more had Smooth SS Matsui not made a superb charging, barehand scoop to gun out Yow leading off the inning! After 4 innings, Smooth still led 13-8.

For each of the next 3 innings, Smooth would score two runs and hold ZZ Top to zeroes; they blew golden chances in the 5th (loaded bags) and 6th (first two reached, next 3 retired), then were retired in order in the 7th. Andraesen and Kuzmiak added two-run homers in the Smooth 6th and 7th, respectively, then in the 8th Matsui and Kuzmiak added solo homers (#3 for Kuz if you're scoring at home) to up it to 21-8.

Finally, ZZ Top awoke from its' offensive slumber (insert your zzz joke here) in the bottom of the 8th with a 5-spot highlighted by Davis' 2-run double. Now down 21-13, ZZ Top dared to dream, but a Smooth lineup with the top 3 MVP vote-getters of 2008 plus 2009's front-runner simply wore them down in the 9th. Bush's long homer to left completed his cycle; Smooth iced the game with their 5-run 9th inning and went on to win the Battle of the Bic, 26-15.

"We shoulda called Simas and been like 'Dude, before you get here shave real quick'." -- unnamed BAD ASS, after Simas' arrival and appointment to ZZ Top.

AWARDS AND HIGHLIGHTS

Smooth sluggers Kuzmiak, Bush, Matsui, and Andraesen along with Holley of ZZ Top all homered, and all won BAD ASS of the Day for their effort; Kuz actually finished 11-for-11 with the full cycle, 3 bombs, 9 RBI and 9 runs , getting help when ZZ Top 1B Davis couldn't find the bag on what should have been a routine 5-3 groundout in the 6th.

The aforementioned plays by Yow and Matsui secured Gold Gloves for them; also honored were Holley who played a great SS with several tough, strong throws, Manning, who started at buck but was shifted to 3rd when Bernal's legs began to ache and promptly recorded 4 outs in the 6th inning (the 4th being the Davis missed-base play), and Minor, who was challenged all over the diamond but none more than at SS when he caught a searing liner off Yanez' bat that left him in visible discomfort.

Small Penis went to all who did not show up.

More statistical highlights: Davis led ZZ Top with a hard 5-for-8, 5 RBI effort (though his defense gave 3 runs back), and Holley chipped in 4 ribbies of his own. Manning was only able to post one other hit aside from his milestone double. Batting leader Andraesen finished 6-for-11 with 6 RBI for Smooth.

MORE NOTES

• Bernal was lit up at 3rd by a hard Minor one-hopper, but eventually walked it off. Minor himself had taken a Bush shot off his shoe earlier in the game while a runner near 3rd.

• Bush recorded the game's only K, on fouls.

• Flores followed through on his lost bet from last series and played the game in a dress and bright makeup , popping out in his first AB but finishing with 7 hits in 11 trips. Of course, he took game-long ribbing from teammates and opponents alike...with a smile.

Minor was the only player to depart after Game 1, so another 6-on-6, (but 7-inning) exhibition went down after a long break. Davis and Bernal were chosen as captains and selected the other's team! On paper, it looked like a long day for Bernal's squad---he derived his team name from the open doubting of his roster selection---but the underdogs nearly stole this game.

The slugger-laden Queue lineup appeared so formidable, Davis actually offered a trade to Bernal as soon as selection ended, which he refused. As it turned out, the game was about, oh, 100 times as competitive as anyone anticipated.

Little noteworthy action went down in the first 3 innings, after which the game was tied at 2. Yanez' 2-run ITPHR vaulted Serious into the lead in the bottom of the 4th. Manning's solo homer over a leaning fence in the 5th cut the deficit in half briefly, until Yanez and mates struck for 3 in the bottom of the 5th, taking a 7-3 lead and holding all the momentum.

Manning struck again for the Queues in the 6th, smashing a 3-run bomb to bring his team within one! XBH by Yanez, Yow and Bush with an RBI groundout by Bernal added for flavor put Serious up 11-6 headed into the final inning.

Finally, in the 7th, the star-laden Queue lineup began to play like it; Manning roped separate RBI doubles, and Andraesen roped a 2-run home run to tie the game! Next, Holley stepped up with a man on and cranked one up into the sky that seemed to hang in the air forever. Serious LF Yow waited and waited at the Monster, finally leaping but coming up short. The dramatic 2-run homer gave the Q's their first lead since 2-1 in the 3rd! They'd tack on one more for insurance headed to the final frame.

Yanez would be retired leading off the 7th, but Simas and Bush both reached to set it up for Flores, who promptly roped a grounder down the line. Though there was mild debate, the ball was ruled fair, giving Serious two precious runs. Yow quickly followed up with a game-tying double! Bernal and Yanez then popped out to send it to "extras". What a game!

Matsui's leadoff double went to waste as the next 3 Queues were retired in the 8th; Serious went down 1-2-3 in their half of the 8th. Andraesen drilled a solo home run in the 9th to put the Queues ahead by one. 4 Serious hitters and 3 outs later, they remained ahead by one.

"Was that your first walk-off?" -- Manning, to teammate Holley after his 7th-inning home run, briefly forgetting the Queues were the visiting team.

AWARDS AND HIGHLIGHTS

Holley was an easy choice for BAD ASS of the Day for his clutch homer and 5 RBI, as was Manning for almost singlehandedly keeping the Queues in the game in the early going; he'd finish with 6 RBI. Holley claimed another Gold Glove in Game 2 for turning a double play on Bush when there were already two out, and Davis named himself Small Penis for beginning a weak 0-for-6 and ending 1-for-8 following such a hot first game.

For Serious, Yanez totaled 4 runs batted in, and Yow went 7-for-8. Manning finished a single short of the cycle for the Queues, while Matsui doubled 4 times, tripled once, and scored thrice.

MORE NOTES

• Kuz took a one-swing PLK in the 7th inning to wrap the Queue rally.

• Scary moment: During the game Manning and Davis alternated pitching duties for the bottom of their lineup on a per-batter basis. Whoever was about to pitch would stand behind whoever was pitching. As such, Davis stood behind Manning as he pitched to Matsui, who creamed a liner up the middle off Davis' forehead! The ball was slowed somewhat by Skillz' hand but still carried enough force to knock him to the ground. He stayed in the game after a brief delay, but no longer stood behind Manning on the hill.

• B-Rid and Yanez were selected captains of the upcoming series. JD

·      us

* Players of the Week *

BAD ASS of the Day 

Stoph Andraesen, Smooth (1)

6-for-11, HR, 6 RBI

Bryan Bush, Smooth (1)

Cycle, 4 RBI

Kevin Kuzmiak, Smooth (1)

11-for-11, full-cycle, 9 RBI

Torance Matsui, Smooth (1)

5-for-10, HR

Kevin Holley, ZZ Top/Queues (1/2)

8-for-9, HR/Clutch go-ahead HR

Cav Manning, Queues (2)

5-for-8, 2 HR, 6 RBI

Gold Glove

Torance Matsui, Smooth (1)

Sick barehand 6-3 putout

Greg Minor, Smooth (1)

Sparkling play at various spots

Cav Manning, ZZ Top (1)

Made 4 outs at 3rd in 6th

Leland Yow, ZZ Top (1)

Home Run stealing catch

Kevin Holley, ZZ Top/Queues (1/2)

Several strong throws from SS

Small Penis

All no-shows (1)

Skillz Davis, Queues (2)

Weak 1-for-8