A union soaked in blasphemy

Longtime rivals join forces; no casualties reported

SANTA CLARA, 5/3/09: As a precursor to the upcoming encore of the infamous Dirty Sanchez/Cleveland Steamers series, the combined 8 players from the original rosters from that series squared off against the remaining 7. One of those 7, Kevin Kuzmiak, felt that the teams were uneven. As it turned out, he was right---just not like he thought.

Exhibition

The Sanchez used their trademark small ball in the early going to take a 7-3 lead after four innings, while New Blood's entire offense came from Holley---he doubled home their first run and powered a 2-run homer in the 4th.

Over the next 4 innings, New Blood managed only three singles, one coming off a weak nubber from newcomer Lanctot (his first career) and two from Kuzmiak who was nearly picked off 1st each time as  Davis snuck in behind him. The first such instance, in the 5th, proved the most humorous as Kuz took a massive turn around 1st and would have been out by a mile had SS Bush noticed Davis at the base. Kuzmiak caught on a split second before Bush did, and dove hard headfirst back to the base to the amusement of all present.

Not that the Sanchez had much going either; still stuck on 7 runs entering the 7th the veteran team put together, poetically, a 7-run inning with Bush's 2-run double a key element. They then backed it up with a 4-run 8th (including Ridley's 2-run two-base knock) to claim an 18-3 lead.

However, in the 9th New Blood made things interesting momentarily with aid from the Sanchez glovework, or lack thereof. Yanez cranked a two-run home run early, then with two outs flied to center---where Sanchez CF Minor had a play but muffed it into a 3-run ITPHR! Then, LF Ridley was unable to squeeze Wagner's routine pop to left. Finally, Holley was retired to secure the elusive 27th New Blood out.

"I want it so BAD!" -- Lanctot, frighteningly, referring to his 1st BAB hit early in the game.

AWARDS AND HIGHLIGHTS

Yow, who drove in 5 total, won BAD ASS of the Day, but had a potential hit stolen by a diving Wagner (see award photo) in the 5th; the latter took Gold Glove as a prize. No Small Penis was named.

Sanchez OF Minor returned from a 3-week absence and drilled 5 singles in 6 AB, and Bush finished 6-for-7 including 4 doubles. Flores initially planned to sit this game to rest his injured leg, but gutted it out with 3 hits and 3 RBI in 7 AB...preserving his Ironman streak.

Yanez and Holley combined to plate 9 of the 11 New Blood runs; Andraesen was only 1-for-6, while Garewal and Lanctot combined for just 3 hits in 12 AB.

"Can I pitch to myself?" -- Wagner, after serving up a long home run to Yanez.

MORE NOTES

• New Blood managed only 19 hits total.

• Garewal and Yanez K'd conventionally, and Yanez added a PLK in his next AB. As Andraesen was Norberto's pitcher each time, the Sanchez began to clamor for him to remain on the mound.

• Cav Manning served as umpire for this game, as well as the next.

Ruben Gonzalez was taken by the Dirty Sanchez, 7th overall.

In between games, the Dirty Sanchez and Cleveland Steamers created "war rooms" and went on to draft for their upcoming series, using announcements, written names, jerseys and everything synonymous with the NFL Draft. Andraesen, Yanez, Wagner, Ruben Gonzalez and Garewal went to Bernal's Sanchez, while Kuzmiak, Holley, Brian Simas, and Lanctot went to Yow's Steamers.

Minor, Garewal, and Ridley departed after Game 1---although Ridley planned to stay until some BAD ASSes began a session following the already-lengthy draft break---leaving 12 men to play another exhibition. The two highest picks, Andraesen and Kuzmiak, became captains.

"...AWKWARRRD." -- Yow, describing his experience taking promotional pix with Bernal for the upcoming series. Once you see them, you'll understand why.

Kuzmiak's 2-run blast put his club up early, but rival Andraesen swatted a 3-run dinger in retaliation one inning later. The Busters watched as Crotches Bush and Kuzmiak notched back-to-back K's in the bottom of the 2nd (Kuz' via pitch limit) and never trailed again. Andraesen clubbed a solo-6th inning homer, and Matsui's ensuing inside-the-parker helped boost him towards a full cycle.

Rotten Crotch was never really out of this game until the 8th, as 2-homer days from each Yanez and Bush helped keep them afloat, but it would be not enough and not in time.

"Hey, it's either this or video games." -- umpire Manning, responding to Wagner's inquiry "Don't you have anything better to do?" after he ruled Wagner was not halfway home when a throw reached the mound late in the game.

AWARDS AND HIGHLIGHTS

All Fence Busters earned BAD ASS of the Day; Wagner, Flores and Davis set the table for the sluggers and combined for 10 runs scored as well as 10 driven in. Andraesen awarded them all Gold Gloves in addition---the captain himself held down 3rd nicely, LF Wagner stole extra bases from Yow again in the 9th, CF Holley (not a misprint) managed to catch a Yanez fly ball despite falling down in pursuit, and even BS Davis caught both routine pops hit to him (also not a misprint). No Small Penis was named.

Leadoff Crotch Yow hit safely 7 times in 9 AB and Bush tallied 6 RBI to help their skipper---a dramatic pull shift by the Busters contributed to Kuzmiak's 3-for-9 statline although two of the hits left the park.

"We want the exhibition Norberto!" -- Bush, following one of Yanez' bombs, hoping he can sustain his hot bat for the Dirty Sanchez in the upcoming series.

MORE NOTES

• Davis, Matsui and Flores all won both games, as Lanctot, Kuzmiak and Yanez lost both games.

• Crotch 3B Bernal puzzled all when he fielded a Wagner grounder in the 5th; even though an easy force play was available at 3rd, Tits threw to 1st to retire Wagner---later admitting he forgot the situation.

• He wasn't alone---Davis lost a gift hit in the 4th when his shallow pop to center was dropped. Running on 1st, Flores forgot there were two outs and was forced at 2nd.

• Referencing the Matsui/Flores Smackboard back and forth from last week, "Look at me, I'm (fill in the blank)" became gospel, uttered by practically everyone over practically anything, including but not limited to Kuzmiak going down the playground slide after retrieving a home run ball, Davis slipping and falling on a baseball, and Yow leaving the field when the games ended. JD

·      us.

* Players of the Week *

BAD ASS of the Day 

Leland Yow, Sanchez (1)

ITPHR, 5 RBI

Fence Busters (2)

Gold Glove

Dave Wagner, New Blood (1)

Diving catch in 5th

Fence Busters (2)

Small Penis

* none (1/2) *