It can happen whenever you go in a public place sporting the league's gear. Sometimes you mention it to someone you may or may not know, who then becomes curious. A MySpace friend might see it on your page. Or a stranger could approach you right there on the field, wanting to know...

...a question that cannot be answered in one, two, or even five sentences. This article hopes to answer that question in a more detailed, yet efficient, manner.

BAD ASS Baseball was:

• Born in a karaoke bar.
• Exhibition games only.
• Columbus F'n Park AKA Taylor .
• Having a Wells Fargo bank account actually having the title "Bad Ass Baseball" .
• Checking out which planes are actually low enough at Taylor to be possibly witnessing our game
• Crossing the street to fetch a home run ball.
• Calling everyone on Friday and Saturday to make sure we have enough players for Sunday.
• Trying to squeeze in 9 innings before the sun went down.
• "Cav's Hot Corner"
• Jason LaRose throwing out runners at 1st from buck. (not shallow buck either)
• Cav and Ed using wood bats.
• The 5 gallon donation jug.
• Driving 40 miles to 5 different fields before hopping a fence to finally play a game.
• The target hung on the fence.
• Group meetings after each game to nominate and vote for game awards, then taking the trophy home and forgetting to bring it the next week.
• 4 games on Memorial Weekend.
• Torance the Tree Trimmer.
• Ghost runners.
• 10 pitches to Soonam before he swung the bat.
• Leland Yow unable to keep a ball in his glove.
• Using the same baseballs every single week.
• Carrying the stats clipboard while running the bases.
• Using gym bags as bases.
• Greg Lynas only commuting from San Leandro.
• The original black scoreboard.
• Not knowing the score because the wind blew over the numbers on the scoreboard.
• Carl showing up for one game and setting the RBI record at the time.
• Javier yelling "I got it", backing off and watching the ball fall for a hit, then saying "I thought you had it?"
• Sleeping in on Sunday after partying at the Bamboo, then playing at 3:30 pm.
• Greg Lynas, outfielder.
• The red bat doughnut.
• Cav hitting 50 home runs.
• 4 on 4.
• 3 on 3.
• badassbaseball.tk
• Getting the Small Penis for going 4-for-9.
• Gopher holes in the outfield.
• Common final scores like...38 to 35.
• CT and Dave Hatfield.
• Rick and Mondo
• Sac vs Soonam.
• Real bases!
• "Scoring is Easy."
   

BAD ASS Baseball is:

• Greg Sacramento being absent from a game, and all players theorizing why exactly he is not there. Often, no two players provide matching reasons.
• Stoph Andraesen taking his position in the outfield, with a tall cup of beer resting at his feet. No one would be surprised if he took too lengthy of a swig and was forced to make a play with brew in hand.
• Rob Flores straddling the rubber, and firing quality pitches with a cigarette firmly pressed between his lips.
• The absolute refusal of Ed, Torance, Rob, and others to wear baseball pants, fully prepared to scrape skin for a win.
• The absolute refusal of Cav and Leland to wear anything but baseball pants.
• Torance yelling, from anywhere on the field at any time, "OH, HE'S SAFE!" "OH, HE GOT HIM!" "OH, IT'S FOUL!", even in circumstances that would make a stranger wonder if he was watching the same baseball game.
• Instant, sardonic rapid-fire comments from the mouth of Brian Simas, including "This ain't Club Med!" when a man brought a pack of Gatorade to cricket players infesting Goodson Field.
• Kevin Kuzmiak blaming someone or something for outs/errors he makes, or screaming at his teammates "Get back to first, you idiot!" or "You're never pitching to me AGAIN!", or otherwise scolding them as loudly as his vocal cords will allow.
• Leland Yow, tasting his bat before each time up, to ensure purity.
• Skillz Davis attempting to slide. These attempts usually resemble slides in the very beginning, but look more like he's been slammed by the wrecking ball by the play's conclusion.
• Bryan Bush getting BLOODY. Even when he's wearing pants.
• Tim Pyle consuming, telling a story about something that happened while he was consuming, discussing the finer points of, inquiring about availability of, or laughing about, beer.
• Alvin Trinh amazing the ranks with a ridiculous diving catch that seems to defy gravity and physics, then not even getting a glove on a routine popup two batters later. Another variation is leaving his shortstop position in a 6-on-6 game to cover home.
• Cav Manning's imitation of Big Papi: ptooey, ptooey into each batting-gloved hand. Good chance, however, that Papi could be imitating Cav.
• Guys happy to win a game, if for no other reason than they don't have to take down the fence.
• Cav showing up in a Mets uniform...or D-Rays...or Tigers...or White Sox...or Cubs...or Dodgers...or Athletics...
• Idiot kids on a church bus passing by, yelling insults at a bunch of strangers---apparently forgetting all lessons learned while in church.
• A seemingly routine ground ball taking a crazy, wicked hop, nearly costing the unsuspecting infielder precious front teeth.
• Tito pitching, and taking a comebacker to the shin, hip, thigh, or basically everywhere but his face---then rumbling around for a minute before continuing. This seems to happen every other week.
• Lynas making the impossible possible at the hot corner, doing things that would make Eric Chavez stand in awe. Here and there he will amaze even himself, and pause to admire his defensive magic just as his many victims do.
• B-Rid in a pickle. If this stat were tracked, he would lead the league easily no matter how few games he played. Nobody would be shocked to learn B-Rid hit one out of the park and still managed to somehow end up in a pickle.
• Super Dave Del Real frightening all his teammates with his waist-high, partially-squatting catches.
• Ruben Gonzalez frightening all his teammates with his trademark one-hand catches.
• Johnny 5 so pleased with his alignment of the foul lines, that he feels it necessary to actually call the attention of others to it.
• Kevin Holley constantly smiling, even when disgusted or pissed with himself. Quite possibly the only man in the nation capable of slamming a bat down in anger, with a facial expression off a Hallmark card.

BAD ASS BASEBALL IS ALSO...

• Joel's long-owned torn pants.
• Rob's Cowboys shirt.
• Ed's white T-shirt.
• Joe Davis' Rajai Davis jersey.
• Kuz' Yankees uniforms, both home and away.
• Tim's straw hat.
• Lynas' knee guard.
• Soonam's sandals.
• Johnny 5's striped pants.
• Cav and Sac's batting helmets.
• Dave D's "Superman" shirt.
• The Z-core.
• The Hammer.
• The Powercell.
• The Carrot.
• The Black Easton.
• The Stealth.
• The TPX's, red and orange.
• "The story of my life."
• "Well, they call me Skillz."
• "What a glorious day."
• "Golden shins!"
• "It's FAIR, bitch!"
• "Stoffense"
• "I'm gunn to my cahh."
• "Cantankerous"
• "Catch that one, muthafucka!"
• "Nice catch, Dave."
• "WATCH ME."
• "C'mon, Josh!"
• "Ryan WHO?"
• The only league on the planet where even the drunk can get a hit.

Hopefully, BAD ASS BASEBALL will be:

• No cricketeers ever.
• B-Rid playing 20 games minimum.
• Brandon Hamilton playing 15 games minimum.
• No more rocks in the dirt.
• Wind-free.
• The church up De La Cruz moving 5 miles away, taking the buses full of idiots with it.
• Healthy, green grass throughout the outfield.
• A Blue Monster with the BAB logo on it.
• Bush getting to play at SS full-time again.
• Lynas, Soonam and Joel moving somewhere in the 408 area code.
• Skillz going through a whole season without inventing some childish excuse not to play.
• A sunny Opening Day.
• More video from Joel.
• More games played from Joel.
• Johnny 5 never puss-hitting again.
• Exciting, intense series that still manage to be fun.
• Kevin K. no longer shocking others when completing a 5-3 putout.
• Alvin and Ed being booted out of their hockey league, and recommiting to BAB.
• All players marking K's down on the statsheet.
• Tim able to play sometimes despite his new career.
• More guys showing up before 11am than after.
• The dugouts at Piedmont being unlocked!
• Cav's back and arm staying pain-free for 40 games.
• Additional innovative exhibitions, such as "Pants vs. shorts".
• No more 5 on 5's ever again.
• Super Dave staying for two.
• Minor and Soonam breaking their homer droughts.
• No gloves, bats, cleats or other items left in the dugout.
• More cute church girls walking by the field.
• Confirmation of Mr. Goodson's whereabouts.
• A real, 7-on-7 Memorial Day Monday.
• All players in the team photo.

In summary, BAD ASS Baseball was, IS, and always will be....

Awesome.