BAD ASS Reporter

May 8, 2006

Return of the Donkey Show Wins It In Five

 

   Coming off two thoroughly uncompetitive and unbalanced series, Bad Ass Baseball headed into Series #3 with hopes of having a series not end in a sweep as the previous two had. Well, it succeeded in that respect, but not by much.

 

   Series #3 pitted two old friends against one another, Rob Flores vs. Leland Yow, prompting both coaches to bring back some old memories when time came to name their respective squads. Coach Flores went with “Reservoir Donkeys: The Return of the Donkey Show”, while coach Yow countered with combined team names from the greatest series BAB has ever seen with the “Dirty Steamers.” The Team Names were set and teams were drafted, it was time to play ball.

 

   When it was time to take the field, all the business had been taken care of, and it was time to play ball. Or so they all thought, that was until prior to first pitch while lead off hitter Kevin stood in the batters box to lead off the game, time was called. The two managers met at the mound for a discussion. Following the discussion an announcement was made, Kevin and Tito were being traded to the Steamers in exchange for Simas and Joel. This was a first, an on field, almost in game trade. Kevin left the batters box confused and surprised to go retrieve his equipment as the rest of the league stood stunned at the event that had just transpired. After all parties had switched dugouts and taken their places on their new teams, it really was time to play ball.

 

   Out of the gate it seemed that Flores’ Donkey’s had gotten the better of the deal as Simas won MVP honors with a 6 for 6 day at the plate, leading his new team to a 17-7 victory. On the other side, Kevin, perhaps still reeling from being dealt while in the batters box, took home the Small Penis award following a 1 for 5 performance. Sharing in the shame of taking home the Penis was Dave DelReal who went 0 for 5 and Tito Bernal who missed the game due to illness. Stellar defense was played by the Donkeys with special mention, and Gold Glove Awards going to Minor, Ed and Ryan.

 

   Game 2 was more of the same as The Return of the Donkey Show won by a score of 25-18.  Brian Simas and Kevin both picked up where they left off. Simas posted a 5 for 6 with 5 RBI’s and 4 Runs scored, while Kevin had an atrocious day at the plate going 0 for 7. Could this be the most lopsided trade in BAB history? After two games it certainly looked that way. Playing through a light rain and a shouting match between Flores and Matsui, the Donkey Show took a stranglehold on the series and left the Steamers scratching their heads and looking for answers. Flores, Collins and Ledee took home MVP awards. Leland Yow took home the lone Gold Glove. Small Penises went to Kevin for his 0 for 7 and Torance for his shouting match with Flores.

 

   Game 3 not only gave the Steamers a little hope, but also gave Kevin a new look. As the result of losing a bet with opposing captain Flores, Kuzmiak revived the frilly half shirt look for game 3, and the results were jaw dropping in more ways than one. Despite the Steamers only having two players get more than two hits in the game, one of them being Kuzmiak’s 5 for 6 effort, including a HR, which earned him MVP, the Steamers won the game 12-9. Gold gloves went to Jason LaRose and Greg Lynas. The game was began at Goodson field and completed at Taylor.

 

   Game 4 was the most competitive game of the series and ended only after the Donkeys held off a comeback attempt by the Steamers to win 20-16. Led by Co-MVP’s Greg Minor and Ryan Ledee, who combined for a 10 for 12, 8 RBI, 7 run performance, the Donkeys got to within one game of finishing off the Steamers in 5. Flores was feeling generous and handed out 6 Gold Glove awards, while the Small Penis went to opposing captain Leland Yow.

 

   Looking to stave off elimination, the Dirty Steamers put up a 7 spot in the top of the 1st inning. The dugout was hyped and the team took the field on defense only to watch the Donkeys string together eight consecutive hits and put up a 7 spot of their own. With the wind out of their sails the Steamers were only able to manage two more runs between the first and ninth innings. By that time the score was 17-9. The Steamers did plate four more runs to make it interesting at 17-13. The last out of the game and series came on a disputed catch by Greg Minor in right field. Kuzmiak launched a ball that he felt was past the fence, and thus uncatchable. Unfortunately for the Steamers, it was ruled in play and the game and series was over. The entire Donkeys team was named MVP while Ledee, Manning and Lynas shared the Gold Glove award. No small penis was named.

 

   All in all it was an entertaining series with a few memorable moments, but the series was never very competitive as the Donkey Show had their way with the revamped Steamers. Coach Flores led by example while batting a series high .760! That was over 100 points higher than any other player with an eligible number of at bats. Ryan Ledee and Nick Collins both finished with 4 HR’s in the series, and Kuzmiak and Ed were the only other players to homer. They both had 1. The pre-game trade turned out to be a good one for the Donkeys as Simas batted a robust .655 and Joel a nice .563. On the other hand, Kuzmiak hit a dismal .379. Tito did lead the Steamers with a .630 avg. though. Captain Leland Yow hit an abysmal .333 for the series. Multiple Gold Glove winners were Ledee and Lynas with 3 and Minor and Yow with 2. Larose, Ed, Stauffer and Manning all won 1 Gold Glove in the Series.